Leslie Speas
Do you ever compare yourself to others? Do you find yourself feeling envious because they seem to have it better than you? Theodore “Teddy” Roosevelt famously said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” And it really is. When we compare ourselves with others, it steals our peace and joy.
We compare ourselves in so many ways. Our intelligence. Our parenting. Our appearance. Our bodies. Our achievements. Our marital status. Our material possessions. Our careers. Never has comparison been more prevalent than with the emergence of social media. It has dramatically increased the information about others that we are exposed to, thus fueling the fire of comparison. Now the Joneses are in our faces all the time. It just takes a scroll to see an update that makes us feel envious or like our life pales in comparison to others.
Research from Psychology Today indicates that more than ten percent of daily thoughts involve comparisons of some kind. In some ways, comparing yourself to others can be helpful. You may feel inspired by someone else’s achievement which could motivate you to improve your own life. Or you may recognize that your abilities are a notch above someone else’s which may boost your self-esteem. But as a caveat, you must be careful as this is a slippery slope that can lead to pride. In most cases, comparison is going to leave us feeling chronically inferior or like we generally don’t measure up.
Comparison isn’t a new problem. It has existed throughout history and rarely ends well. The dilemma is prevalent in the Bible through stories such as Cain and Abel, Rachel and Leah, Joseph and his brothers, and even Jesus’ disciples. Miriam, Moses’ sister, compared herself to Moses and felt inferior. God had blessed her abundantly, but comparison and jealousy got in her way. As a result, she was cursed with leprous skin. (Numbers 12:9-10)
We compare our circumstances and abilities to others and come to the conclusion: I could never do it like he/she does. And you know what? We were never meant to! God doesn’t need two people who are just alike. He has uniquely and precisely created you and me with specific gifts and talents to do what he has called us to do. Who are we to question His plan for us? Ephesians 2:10 says, “For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”
We have great value in God’s eyes, so why do we constantly make these comparisons? It is so easy to think that if we had more or knew more, we would be happy. However, even people who “have it all” still struggle with comparison. The Bible opens with the story of Eve, a woman who had everything, but it wasn’t enough for her.
Here are five things that can help when you have the urge to compare.
1. Become aware of and avoid your triggers
Start noticing the triggers that cause you to play the comparison game. Social media is a big one for many of us. Are there other activities or circumstances that make you feel discontent about your life? Identify these triggers and try to avoid them as much as possible.
2. Remind yourself that you can’t use a person’s outward appearance to judge the reality of their lives
People carefully craft social media and public versions of themselves that look like they have it much more together than they really do. Everyone is fighting battles that we know nothing about, and most people don’t put it out for others to see.
3. Count your blessings
Think about what you have and are already blessed with, not what you don’t. Consider how fortunate you are to have the people and things that are in your life.
4. Love your neighbor
We can’t love people well when we’re too busy trying to measure our value by them or prove ourselves better than them. First Corinthians 13 says “love rejoices with others.” Love doesn’t become jealous or resentful when others succeed. Maybe a coworker gets a promotion, or a friend loses weight and looks great. Instead of succumbing to comparison, compliment them!
5. Focus on your gifts and talents
As mentioned, we all have gifts and talents that we bring into this world. When you compare yourself to others, you focus on their strengths and ignore your own. Make a list of your gifts, talents, and achievements. Post this list somewhere visible and refer to it often.
In conclusion, Paul shares the best option against comparison in Philippians 4:11-12,
I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.
