Angela Guy
I cannot remember a time where I had to grapple with the question of whether God existed. I was blessed to be raised in a home where God was not only discussed but followed. Yet, with only a head-knowledge of grace, I turned aside pursuing my own course. I did not seek God and his ways (Romans 3:11). For a time, God allowed me to go my own way, to experience the consequences of my decisions. And, as I was grieving, broken, and weary, He turned me back to Himself and lovingly welcomed me back. In retrospect, I realize that He used my circumstances to teach me His grace. He brought before my eyes a more complete and thorough recognition of my sin against Him. He humbled me by allowing me to experience the depths of my sin. This recognition was quickly followed by experiencing the abounding nature of His grace. It stripped away any semblance of loftiness I harbored regarding my own righteousness, and I began to see how God’s grace fills the gap between my righteousness, which pathetically falls so short, and His radiant righteousness. It is only due to God’s mercy that I began to follow Him as I had never done before. For a time, it was so easy and life-giving. I clutched so tightly to God, but as my life began to rebuild and I began receiving the desires of MY heart, my faithfulness waned, and I became distracted. I began building my own kingdom and life’s priorities pulled me from this God whom I loved, and His word.
Have you ever found yourself in a place where your moderate, within reason, attainable desires have been met? Nothing too extravagant, desires to just be normal. I wanted to be happy, to have a family, and to have a successful career. None of these were over the top, disturbing, or ungodly desires. But each of these things takes focus and energy to keep them going and they pulled me away from God. These good, yet competing interests kept me toiling and anxious. My Bible sat unopened from Sunday to Sunday. Once again, God allowed me to go my own way and pursue the desires of my heart, even though they were pulling me away from Him. What I found at the end of the “pursuing my own desires” path was not the happiness and joy that I longed for and frankly, expected. I found dissatisfaction leading to bitterness, which was quickly becoming rage. None of what I worked so hard for was enough to satisfy me. My incessant heart continued to want more, verging on demanding it, and the more I received the less I had. But God in his infinite love and faithfulness pursued me, claiming me as His own, not allowing me to be snatched from Him (John 10:28). In a time of deep dissatisfaction and longing for something more, God drew me to John 10:27. John 10:27 “My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me.” I began to listen and to follow God’s voice. There was something so appealing and joyful in hearing His voice and knowing that I heard it. There was something life-giving in following Him in obedience, that I had not experienced when I was following my own heart’s desires.
As I have experienced the abundant life-giving joy of authentic community with God, I long for others to experience the same, to not follow in a lukewarm or haphazard fashion, but to earnestly and eagerly pound on God’s door to know Him (Matthew 7:7). What does it take for God to fully grab ahold of our attention, to replace our fleshly desires with His good godly and righteous desires? As I ponder how God grabbed ahold of my heart, I am drawn back to this verse, and I see something new that I did not focus on before. My heart has been so focused on hearing his voice and following that voice and it has absolutely changed what I pursue in life. He has faithfully shown me what it looks like to live that out. Now seven years have passed, and He has brought to my attention the middle section of John 10:27. We follow Him, not because we know him, but because HE knows us. Have you ever stopped to consider that? In my own logic, I would have said that I follow Him because I know Him, that the more I learn of who He is, the more I follow because I know the truth of His goodness. My natural bent and inclination is to place myself in the role of turning towards Him, when it is God who pursues us. Every step of the way as I wander, He pursues. It is God who reveals Himself to us, and it is God who transforms us.
What is the significance of being known by God? Why would that drive us to follow Him? As I pondered this, I realized something profound. God would call and I would follow, but invariably, my efforts fell short. I failed every time to follow Him consistently, faithfully, and perfectly. In truth, I am unremarkable, unseen by the world, and unworthy of God’s time and attention. Yet, this worthy, remarkable, faithful, and perfect God lavishes me with His focus and attention. He gives me a home, a family, and a holy calling. He tells me that I am enough, that I am His. God knows my failures. He knows my unfaithfulness. He calls me His own anyway, and I realize that it is in this discovery, that I have been changed. I more readily rest in Him and strive less for my own righteousness. I am more grateful for his favor and affection because I understand how undeserving I am of it, which makes me more focused on Him and desiring to serve Him. I seek Him. I listen, waiting for Him to speak. I follow more readily. It makes me wonder if in another decade, I will realize how little I listen now and how unfaithfully I follow today and I realize how much I long for that to be true. Yes Lord, draw me to you so much that I strain towards you to hear your slightest whisper. Remove distractions from my life. Give me the boldness and courage to beg you to command me to follow you outside of my comfortable situations, out into the risky and unsafe as Peter did, as he asked you to command him to come out of the boat onto the water (Matthew 14:28).
Angela Guy
Author: The Stepping Stones of Spiritual Maturity. The Transformation of a Wayward Heart.
https://angelarguy.wixsite.com/angela-guy
Founder of Abundant Life Ministry, Gathering at the Well.
