Katie Millar Wirig, M.A.
We’ve all felt it: being overly exhausted, stressed and a loss of motivation for the things we once loved. Burnout is a byproduct of the over-scheduled, high intensity world we live in, and no one is immune to its effects. Although not a medical diagnosis, burnout is very real and is affecting adults, youth, and children.
What is Burnout?
“Burnout is a form of exhaustion caused by constantly feeling swamped. It’s a result of excessive and prolonged emotional, physical, and mental stress.” Often when we talk about burnout, adults think of it as relating to their job or duties in life. We don’t always recognize that our children can feel burnout too. In fact, they not only suffer from it, but they might be feeling it often.
Just like you learned to walk, you learned to manage your emotional stress. Maybe you feel like you are stunted in your growth and are looking for better stress management yourself; or perhaps you feel like you have a good grasp on your own emotional maturity, but you want to help your child develop these important skills. Recognizing that your child is currently learning how to cope with hard things and is learning how to deal with stress, can help parents to become an active participant in teaching their children about stress management. The first step to helping your child have good mental health is giving them tools to work through hard things. This comes from being able to recognize and acknowledge when they are feeling burnout. Here are some signs that your child has reached the end of their rope:
Agitated for seemingly no reason
Crying or becoming emotional at small provocations
Avoiding school
Trouble waking up in the morning
Loss of motivation
Extra clingy
Questioning the big picture (i.e., “What’s the point?”)
Inability to focus
If these describe your child, they might be dealing with burnout.
What Can Parents Do?
Kim Payne describes burnout as a “soul-fever” which is one of the best descriptions when it comes to a mental health fatigue. Think of treating soul- fever like you would a physical fever. When your child is running a fever, the fever controls everyone. Parents call in sick to work, they rearrange their day to stay close and watch the child. They give them extra fluids, rest, and attention. If you perceive that your child is running a fever in their soul, or burnout, you would treat it the same. Perhaps the parent rearranges their
schedule to have some quality one on one time with the child where they can talk and problem solve without distractions. The child may take a “mental health” day off from school. The parent might consider simplifying the schedule so that the child has more time to rest the mind. These are all simple things that can be done often and without too much disruption to the child’s life.
The important thing to remember is that if you ignore the needs of a child who is feeling burnout it will result in two possible scenarios:
1) They will get worse.
2) They will look for some way to solve the problem, and it may not be healthy.
Too often teenagers who feel burnout will look to an outside support to help cope with the burnout. This could be in the form of:
Substances (drugs, alcohol, vaping, etc.)
An unhealthy and immature intimate physical relationship
Disinterest in school, resulting in poor academic performance
Quitting things they once loved (sports, dance, music, art, etc.)
Unhealthy friend group
Instead, if parents can recognize the burnout early and start teaching skills to the youth to treat the problem, they can help to prevent it. Coincidentally, both parent and child will experience better emotional health.
If you feel that your child is suffering from more than just burnout, perhaps anxiety, depression, mood disorder, or trauma, you should reach out to a psychologist or their doctor. For example, if the symptoms persist and if they are severe in nature, you may consider talking to a mental health professional. Programs such as the Anxiety Healing Program can help to combat anxiety and teach life skills for managing stress.
By taking your child’s mental health seriously you give them a springboard to success. Imagine the benefits if from a young age your child learns to manage their mental health and can recognize burnout in themselves. This is done through loving parents who know their children and step in when a problem arises.
